When the chips are down…

When the chips are down, what do you do? When you are not feeling great, do you want to curl up in a ball and hide away? Do you want to eat the entire contents of your fridge, drink, smoke etc. Whatever your vice is, you feel like having it in abundance when things are not quite going your way.

Recently I have not been in good health again, but this time its not just my vestibular conditions that I have to deal with its a new ailment! It has been making me feel very unwell since the start of the year, so needless to say things have got a little off kilter!

I am not sure about you, but when I am down in the dumps, all I want to do is eat rubbish, do nothing and be a hermit within my secure four walls. However its a catch 22 situation, I know that by eating rubbish I am not being kind to my body, I know that hiding away is not good for my mind, but I do it nonetheless. What I really should be doing is staying on my healthy eating plan and getting out and about. But boy its hard, this new ailment has knocked me for six.

Its an automatic natural reaction, when you are in pain, curl up in a ball and hope that it passes and when you wake up all will be fine. But like with my vestibular conditions, every day is like ground hog day, every day is a battle. It is even harder mentally, when you have worked so hard for years to heal yourself and do your best to get better. I have done everything in my power to help myself, cleaned up my diet, exercised my body and mind and got off medication as a result. I was on top of the world in December, then boom a new unwelcome ailment arrives. Well actually this one has a little history to it (2 years of symptoms to be precise). I will not go into any details as its not diagnosed yet, but lets just say its a pain I would like to go away please.

I have tried so very hard to stay on my clean eating path,  since my new ailment enemy, I have been 80% successful. However the exercising is not quite so successful and as a result of my new found enemy I cannot exercise, that makes me sad, I miss my Pilates very much. However if the Drs think it is what it is, then apparently Pilates is very good for it, I just need to find a pain free window to do it in! Difficult when you are in pain 24 hours a day!

The 20% of no clean eating has been the odd bit of chocolate to treat myself, well when you feel sorry for yourself then why not! And the remainder has been the odd mouthful here and there of the kids yummy dinners and other bits and pieces that I should not eat!! All in all though I think I have deserved that 20% weakness. However even so, feel incredibly guilty afterwards!

I have tried to venture out and about, but as my anxiety has kicked in again, I have struggled, plus being in pain I have not felt like going shopping, going out for lunch, meeting people. In fact I have been pushing people away who are wanting to see me or help. I thought I had got very good at overruling my anxiety, staying positive and just getting on with things, but this is hard to cut through. However what choice do we have, we have to plough on.

So this week, despite looking in the mirror and seeing my swollen tummy and grey face, I woke up on Monday feeling a renewed positivity, once again I am not going to let health get in my way. So I have made sure I stick to my pain meds schedule, do some mindfulness, eat 100% clean, get out and about, start living and not flaking. Since being out of action what I have noticed is, if I was out of the house for quite some time, things would not get done at home, washing would pile up, dust would gather, cats would starve, toilet seats would be up, kids hair would be in dreadlocks, school attendance would be down for lateness, floors would be sticky and the list goes on! I am about 4 weeks behind but determined to chip away at it all!

As humans we have the amazing ability to pick ourselves back up and yes we can do it ourselves! But we also have the ability to get ourselves deeper and deeper into a dark place. I have had to dig deep this past week to find the inner strength and mentally reboot, even though I have the will power to get through this, a visit back to CBT is in need to get me back on the right path completely.

So what is your coping strategy when the chips are down? Or do you not have one but working on it? I believe there is strength in supporting each other and I have been a fool recently to push people away, but I have slapped my cheeks about a bit, stuck on my chamomile oil diffuser and I will make sure my stubborn side of me does not kick back in again!

I would love to hear from you…and sorry that I have been a bit absent on here the last month!

La x



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